Ive had a lot on my mind lately. Im struggling. I havent had a job for awhile now. Thats not even what bugs me. What really bugs me is I have no idea what to do. Where am I supposed to go? I want to go back to school...but I have no idea what I want to do, at all. I dont have a lot of passions, nothing to really show me, or give me an idea. With these thoughts baring down on me, I began to feel like more of a failure than ever before. And because of this I think things out way to much, read into things that arent true. Ive been getting frustrated over little things.
But I am thankful, God does bring comfort when I go to Him. I struggle to do it sometimes, but no doubt, Hes right there. Im thankful for His creation. Because its beautiful, its a place I can go and be one on one with my maker. Im thankful for friends that stick with me through this time. Im so sorry if Ive added stress. I am thankful because though Im honestly not liking life, I can still love life because of God. I had a neighbor when we were younger. I still lived in Colonie so I was probably in 2nd grade or so. She was an older lady, and she was one of the nicest people. But her grandaughter did something wrong. So Mrs. Clow punished her. And her grandaughter looked up, and said something along the lines of "Grandma, you dont love me any more?" Mrs. Clow replied "Honey, I dont like you right now, but Ill always love you." Now thats a pretty honest answer. But its a good one. I dont like my current position in life, I dont like my circumstances. But I love the fact that my Savior loves me, and "He will make a way where there seems to be no way!" He promises that there is a reason for all that we go through. If there wasnt, than He would use it anyways! He doesnt let any hurts go to waste. I love that there is hope. I love the blessings even in the hard times. Whether its hearing a friends voice, or watching a bird fly, and land in the cold water. It amazes me that they can still swim in the river and be ok. Even a little frog, hopping in front of me while Im working, it makes me smile. I love music, I love sports. I love college group, hopefully it will be named barf and gag. lol, Praise God for good times. Ive got to work on this one. But for real, praise God for the bad times. Lord it helps me grow, so thank you! I need to decide to cling to the good, and give Him the bad. I need to remember, that He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and He is soooooooooooooooooooooooo good at it! He is perfect! What a mighty and wonderful God we serve!

One brick, two brick, dark brick, light brick

There's so many things that I would love to post. But it would be a whole series, and I'm sure it would bore you to death :-P so Ill spare you, and tell you one story at a time.

I was at work last week, and in the beginning I had to go through old bricks, and find ones that could be reused. As I'm going through the bricks, I noticed that a lot of them, having been holding up the house sense 1790, were cracked and weathered. But here's the weird thing. I would see some bricks that I deemed unworthy to be used at first. "The crack is to big, or the light color shows weakness." Id say based on what I was told. But as I would hit the brick to actually test its strength, it passed. It wouldn't break.

However, there were other bricks, that I would have bet my sour patch kids :-P that it would have passed. It was dark colored, and not even the slightest of cracks on the outside. And with one hit, it shattered. I'm so glad to have been able to do the job, though it hurt my back. It was a blessing, and I hope it blesses any readers.

See I thought it was a perfect picture. There are many people that seem broken, perhaps when we look at them, we may think... this person cant be used. This person is no good. Perhaps, you look at yourself, and you come to that same conclusion. I'm to old, or to broken down, I'm worn out, not strong enough. You begin to buy into the lie, and you feel useless. But that is far from the truth!!!!!! When God is allowing the hammer to crash down, you will pass with flying colors in the end (should you give it all to Him). You, or the people that you see, no matter how they are now. Whether their bitter and angry, prideful and selfish, whatever you may see, that's only because they most likely don't know God, or are struggling with (truly, only God knows what), and they need His love. God can use each of us to build back up a wall, that makes His house, His bride come together!

Some people appear strong, and you look at them, without a doubt you say, "their so perfect, they have it all together!" When really, inside their so weak, and ready to crumble.

Whether, your the first, or the second "brick" we can all take peace. I recently read Psalms 27. I would highly recommend reading it! Heres some verses that stuck out to me:

Lets start right off with the first verse! "The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom Shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?"

Even David, the King of Israel, knew where he stood. He knew even as a shepherd boy when he took out Goliath, that it was God. He knew that he really didn't half to fear anyone! He continues through to verse three:
"...Though an army may encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war may rise against me, in this I will be confident."

David is but one man, and he knew he could stand against a whole army, he knew that his God, his Father, his Shepherd (I like that, Gods a Shepherd's shepherd :-) was watching over Him. Gods a King's King to!!! Sorry, that's really cool to me, but anyways :-P We can stand strong no matter who or what our enemy is. We can be bold and confident, for we do not fight on our own! God is our strength. The only way we can fail, is when we try to take the enemy out on our own!!!

Next is verse 5:

"For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; In the secret place of His tabernacle He shall hide me; He shall set me high upon a rock."

Gods love is so amazing, and He can shelter us and give us rest in the secret place :-) "What a mighty God we serve, what a Mighty God we serve! Angels bow before Him, Heaven and Earth adore Him! What a Mighty God we serve!" And with all of His might, that endless fountain, also pours out peace and protection :-)

I came down to an interesting verse, vs.8:

"When You said, "seek my face," My heart said to you, "Your face Lord, I will seek."

I love it so much. And I'm in tears, because its sheer awesomeness. I know that Ive failed to seek Him so often. But God is so amazing, and He simply says, after all the failure "seek my face," that's all... We just have to seek Him :-) And what a joy and privilege it is to do so, to be allowed to!!! Praise God for His love and mercy! For His Word that has such joyful news in it!!!

The next verse, of course, does not fall short of sweet goodness :-) There seems to be an endless supply!!! Can I get a woot WOOT!!!! :-P Verse 10:

"When my father and my mother forsake me, Than the Lord will take care of me."

People will fail you, no ones perfect! But no matter what happens, when no one else is there, God still remains! Ready to take you in His arms, and be your support :-).

Now we come to the conclusion of this Psalm vs. 13-14:

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed. That I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!"

One of the hardest things to do, is to wait on Gods timing! To continue through the hard times, wondering when it will be over. But we are reminded and reassured of hope in the future. Look to God, and you will be strengthened. Don't look at yourself, the circumstances around you, just keep your eyes on Him :-) Rest assured, you are safe!

As a final and short note, I promise! Pastor preached a great message with a great illustration on Sunday. Its the final message in the "Inside out living" series. Please check it out at sonrisebible.org Its a goodie, and definitely encouraging! I apologize, its not up yet, but I encourage you to keep checking. The whole series was pretty good. And the first message is posted. I hope you are blessed by it!

Soooooo its been awhile. Ive been missing Bible Study, but Dan is back, so hopefully soon it will be starting up again :-) It was cool hanging out with Dan the other day. Went out for ice cream and than got Nichole and Shannon, and all of us went to see a movie. Than back for ice cream where Dan got soaked, Shannon was soaked and got stabbed with an ice cream cone. I went to defend Nichole, and got splattered with ice cream and milkshake, it was a mess! But good times. No worries, we removed all of the evidence :-P

Started my new job this week. Fell through a floor, but luckily my leg caught the joist. It hurt, but praise God, if I had gone all the way through, it could have been much worse. Its a good sized drop into a cement floor. But where Im working is an ooooollllldddd beat up house from 1790 that sits on a beautiful piece of property! The picture doesnt do it justice.


I was tearing down a wall, and as part of it fell, I thought it was pretty sweet! It was pretty much a perfect cross. So I leaned it against the wall

I am so glad for answered prayers!!! :-)

Somebody want to build me a time machine??? I want so much to go back in time, and be Daniel's student/disciple type person!!! Going through the book of Daniel has been a great blessing, and you see what an amazing man of God that he was. No matter what happens, he is head strong, steadfast ALWAYS following God. Wicked, devious men tried to find fault in him... and literally could find nothing. All they could do was to trick the king into making a law against worshiping any god but the king. And without really thinking, the king agreed. They knew Daniel would continue to follow God. Daniel faced death multiple times, still didn't waver with outstanding faith. He got real sick, the very day he got better the Bible says he continued to follow God. He got sick because of a crazy vision that he had from God, and Gabriel explaining it (HE GOT TO MEET GABRIEL!!!)... He didn't waver for one second. I want to meet him, ask him how he did it day in and day out with what seems to be no hesitation, and no fault. I want to be like him.

God is awesome, Im thankful for the heroes that He provides, that are WAY better than the heroes of today. Im thankful for His word. Definitely His creation! God thank you!!!

Still recovering from being sick, but God is good. While being sick, I was reminded of how weak we really are. How little we can handle. How much we truly need our Heavenly Father! It was the first time Ive thrown up in years, and after 8 hours of it, it finally slowed down. But it reminds me of the blessing of good health. It reminded me of what an awesome family I have. My little brother offered to clean the nastiness up, lol, I told him its ok to go back to bed. But just the offer meant a lot. My mom is definitely very mom like :-P and took good care of me :-P. At least today I was able to eat a full pop tart. The best part was knowing that God was right there, and He loves me. Such an undeserved love. His love is not determined by our circumstances. Its a good lesson, because not to long ago I broke down. I was so confused. Ive been constantly praying for so long for a couple friends ;-), and nothing seems to be changing for them. I love them so much, and I know that God loves them even more! So why wont He change their circumstances. He has the power! Than a long time friend reminded me that God will never give them more than they can handle! And perhaps Hes preparing them for the future. Or perhaps, so they can help others who are going through the same things! God is good, and He sees the big picture, that we can not see! When all is said and done, they will be wiser and stronger because of it! They can look back and see what God was doing all that time. All the tears will not be wasted, you are loved to much for that! God's listening, He hears your cries. Remember, my ears are still open as well. For anyone that needs it!

Ya know God is truly unbelievable and amazing!!! The last couple days Ive gotten the chance to work at a place called copperfield inn! Its literally on the same road that you would take to go to Gore. In fact, we turned the wrong way, and seen the ski lifts over the mountain, coming down. The ride up is trees, beautiful beautiful trees, including my favorite, Birch! Its rivers and streams!!! I LOVE running water, its one of my favorite of Gods awesome creation!!! Rivers, oceans, lakes even, streams and creaks, and definitely waterfalls!!! Its amazing! Anywho, the inn is beautiful as well!!! You go inside and the setting is at first a fancy rich people type feel :-P. But you go around, and theres a very rustic outdoorsy feel as well! The furniture, the lanterns, the bar is amazing!!!! I dont condone drinking, but it was a very very beautiful room and setup they have in there. Theres a fire place, with the bar stools made with branches! The chandaleir is made of antlers, and theres a huge mirror with there sign (a moose). At each of the tables in a little sit down room they must have for people who dont want to go in the bar, is a book. Which at a down time I picked up to read a little bit. It was pretty interesting. About a trapper, so while waiting for your food and drinks, you can read a humorous yet very sweet book about a certain moose, and a certain trapper. I thought that was very unique and a good idea. However when you get to the attic, it becomes a very tight and uninviting place to be. This is where most of our day was spent. I have to say, I actually enjoyed it, despite this fact. You had to climb, duck, and crawl (sometimes on your stomach) through a maze of plywood, 2X4's, insulation, pipes, and vents! I got to play the part of a monkey, one of the small energetic kinds :-P. The first day up there, I stood up to soon, as I was walking quite fast. Slammed my head into a random piece of wood, and it blurred my vision, for a second! Yet thankfully the pain went away rapidly, and all vision was restored in an instant. Praise God for a hard head! I happened to hit right where youd want to headbutt a soccer ball. I was lucky. God is watching, Im tellin ya :-P. However today, I will be honest. The manly man that I am, I almost cried :-P. I once again tried to stand up, and there was a sheet of plywood above my head. Not as lucky, I hit in the back center of my head, and it stunned me. It hurt soooooo bad at first, and my eyes watered up a ton! LISTEN TO THIS!!!! Because my eyes watered, whatever it was that got into my eye and hurt like crazy, is no longer there!!! And after about a minute, again, there was no pain, there was no headache. I praise God so much for the hard head that I was given. For the nature that He created!!! That I had the priviledge of enjoying it greatly! Even in the rain, it was a beautiful day. No doubt, do we serve a mighty, loving creator. May all the glory go to Him!!! Through the good and the bad, He deserves praise!