So today, was definitely pretty cool. Had a hard talk with my sister and brother in law, smacking me with reality. Helping me to get my butt in gear. And on my way to my parents house to print an application for Pinnacle, I stopped at mobile to get an application there to hold me over till camp would start (should I get accepted to work there this summer). And I didnt see a safe place to stick my application where it wouldnt get all wrinkled in my car. So I asked God to keep it safe. And as I was on the road, I happened to look over, and seen my paper had slipped down into the crack between my seat and the change holder thingy!!! It was now perfectly safe from any devastation that could occur :-P Does God care about even the little things??? I think so :-)

This morning I received news that kind of hurt and definitely brought tears. Last night was an amazing night where God was definitely working in mine and Jessica's heart. Mine for my father, and at the time, I didn't know what Jess was thinking. I knew she was hurting and something was deeply affecting her. Well anyways, during Unplugged, with praise music playing, and than a challenge brought. We were both crying and she pulled me in, and we rested our heads on each other for comfort. We prayed together, and talked a bit about things. And she wouldn't say what was on her heart. So I did everything I could to encourage her, and with a big hug we parted ways and went home. Encouraging her to follow Gods will, and to be encouraged in leaving home if she felt thats where she needs to go. See Gods will, no matter where it is, and how painful it may be at first, is the best place to be! Gods will holds the greatest treasures for her. And she will be blessed greatly for following Him, our Father that we love dearly! And little did I know, that I was encouraging her to not be in a relationship with me... It hurt. And I seen how it hurt her too. Please pray for Jess!!! God has HUMONGOUS plans for her!!!!! Oh my goodness, I cant wait to see her grow more. To see where God takes her! I love that girl to death, and shes now just my sister in Christ for sure.

Gods mercy

Ive got a praise! God is so good. Saturday was a great time of fellowship! And Sunday morning during praise I was hit with a great appreciation for Gods mercy, when I dont deserve it. When I fall, no matter how bad it is, He loves me no less!!! What an awesome and loving God we serve!!!! Just sayin ;-)

Bored with a lot on my mind.
People, work, ministry...
conclusions I can not find!

I seek and seek some more,
thoughts pass through...
but quickly hit the floor.

I don't see my dreams as a possibility.
my character, flaws, and sins...
they rob me of believability!

I know its a lie, a trick, a scheme.
The deceivers at my door...
God, he seems so supreme!

But thank you my Lord!
My Shepherd, Father, King!
Your kingdom will be restored!

To You be the glory!
Only You are worthy!
To be the Hero at the end of the story!

When dirts kicked up

I have to say, I get competitive when it comes to games and sports. While playing Pictionairy tonight, war broke out. I felt like one of my friends was egging me on. Pushing my buttons on purpose, and as I would get frustrated, I began to yell. I'm not perfect, I try hard to keep a good character. I try to have integrity, and patience. But I'm easily set off when I'm misunderstood, or I don't understand others, or people challenge my character... even when I try my best to be the best I can. Fingers were all pointed at me and my friend Shannon because we were both frustrated at things that were going down in the game. And that angered me even more because I felt like it wasn't fair. We get scolded for showing our frustrations, while the instigator is set free. I was wrong, we talked it out, and were not mad at each other. But I have to wonder, is my image ruined? I'm so glad that when they seen my faults, and my anger coming out... That when all was said and done, they still accept me. But its not cool that I'm so easily pushed to... I guess anger. But its more stress that comes out wrong. Maybe that's exactly what anger is. But I wonder how many friends and people, could see the way I act at my worse and still love me. Still be willing to play a board/card game, knowing I could go off. I feel kind of dirty, I guess I'm lucky that Jesus blood can wash it away. That His love is great, and if I were to die tonight, Id still be welcomed in His home. I'm not perfect, and I feel like people expect me to be... probably because of the way I try to carry myself. I yell, I sin, I'm messed up. But God uses the weak, the broken, the warn down. But I really wanna know, when all is said and done, who would stand by me?

I got to say, the beginning of last week was rough! I was worried that I had lost a friend. But God is amazingly good!!! The people that are in my life are such an amazing blessing!!! They always show me love, and I praise God for them. Going to God, He brought peace. The situation is still not figured out, I still may have lost my friend, but the fear is gone. Ive had such an amazing last week! And I have a lot to look forward to. Good people, good movies, parties, and food. And yes a much greater and epicly amazing, Heavenly Father :-) Praise be to Him!

Ive had a lot on my mind lately. Im struggling. I havent had a job for awhile now. Thats not even what bugs me. What really bugs me is I have no idea what to do. Where am I supposed to go? I want to go back to school...but I have no idea what I want to do, at all. I dont have a lot of passions, nothing to really show me, or give me an idea. With these thoughts baring down on me, I began to feel like more of a failure than ever before. And because of this I think things out way to much, read into things that arent true. Ive been getting frustrated over little things.
But I am thankful, God does bring comfort when I go to Him. I struggle to do it sometimes, but no doubt, Hes right there. Im thankful for His creation. Because its beautiful, its a place I can go and be one on one with my maker. Im thankful for friends that stick with me through this time. Im so sorry if Ive added stress. I am thankful because though Im honestly not liking life, I can still love life because of God. I had a neighbor when we were younger. I still lived in Colonie so I was probably in 2nd grade or so. She was an older lady, and she was one of the nicest people. But her grandaughter did something wrong. So Mrs. Clow punished her. And her grandaughter looked up, and said something along the lines of "Grandma, you dont love me any more?" Mrs. Clow replied "Honey, I dont like you right now, but Ill always love you." Now thats a pretty honest answer. But its a good one. I dont like my current position in life, I dont like my circumstances. But I love the fact that my Savior loves me, and "He will make a way where there seems to be no way!" He promises that there is a reason for all that we go through. If there wasnt, than He would use it anyways! He doesnt let any hurts go to waste. I love that there is hope. I love the blessings even in the hard times. Whether its hearing a friends voice, or watching a bird fly, and land in the cold water. It amazes me that they can still swim in the river and be ok. Even a little frog, hopping in front of me while Im working, it makes me smile. I love music, I love sports. I love college group, hopefully it will be named barf and gag. lol, Praise God for good times. Ive got to work on this one. But for real, praise God for the bad times. Lord it helps me grow, so thank you! I need to decide to cling to the good, and give Him the bad. I need to remember, that He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and He is soooooooooooooooooooooooo good at it! He is perfect! What a mighty and wonderful God we serve!