Ive had a lot on my mind lately. Im struggling. I havent had a job for awhile now. Thats not even what bugs me. What really bugs me is I have no idea what to do. Where am I supposed to go? I want to go back to school...but I have no idea what I want to do, at all. I dont have a lot of passions, nothing to really show me, or give me an idea. With these thoughts baring down on me, I began to feel like more of a failure than ever before. And because of this I think things out way to much, read into things that arent true. Ive been getting frustrated over little things.
But I am thankful, God does bring comfort when I go to Him. I struggle to do it sometimes, but no doubt, Hes right there. Im thankful for His creation. Because its beautiful, its a place I can go and be one on one with my maker. Im thankful for friends that stick with me through this time. Im so sorry if Ive added stress. I am thankful because though Im honestly not liking life, I can still love life because of God. I had a neighbor when we were younger. I still lived in Colonie so I was probably in 2nd grade or so. She was an older lady, and she was one of the nicest people. But her grandaughter did something wrong. So Mrs. Clow punished her. And her grandaughter looked up, and said something along the lines of "Grandma, you dont love me any more?" Mrs. Clow replied "Honey, I dont like you right now, but Ill always love you." Now thats a pretty honest answer. But its a good one. I dont like my current position in life, I dont like my circumstances. But I love the fact that my Savior loves me, and "He will make a way where there seems to be no way!" He promises that there is a reason for all that we go through. If there wasnt, than He would use it anyways! He doesnt let any hurts go to waste. I love that there is hope. I love the blessings even in the hard times. Whether its hearing a friends voice, or watching a bird fly, and land in the cold water. It amazes me that they can still swim in the river and be ok. Even a little frog, hopping in front of me while Im working, it makes me smile. I love music, I love sports. I love college group, hopefully it will be named barf and gag. lol, Praise God for good times. Ive got to work on this one. But for real, praise God for the bad times. Lord it helps me grow, so thank you! I need to decide to cling to the good, and give Him the bad. I need to remember, that He is the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, and He is soooooooooooooooooooooooo good at it! He is perfect! What a mighty and wonderful God we serve!
1 comment:
I never read this post, now going on 2 months since you wrote it. You write with great feeling, for I felt what you were feeling. As much as I am not going through exactly this... sometimes I do question exactly what is my place and purpose here. Yes, we know. It's those times that are hard, we question life, friends, location. Sometimes we want a change, but dont know where to look for it. I know, Ive been there! Sometimes I feel like I am always there. In either case, God knows all about our struggles. He cares, and truly does have a plan and purpose for each and every one of us. Don't give up Ben. I have learned that through the most difficult of times, God is there and most likely is trying to teach us something. Keep true to him.. and he will never forsake you.
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